hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
