When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
