There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Couch. On fire.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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