then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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