I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
