if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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