i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
