HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
