the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
