Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
