Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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