sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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