at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
