things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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