just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
