Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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