Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
