She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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