Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
