At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
