There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
