Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
