Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
