Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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