: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
