Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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