yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Panties = found
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