I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
