I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's shark week go big or go home
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
