Already got asked if we're dating
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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