Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
