a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
