who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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