did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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