You're completely useless in the revolution.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
