I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
