I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Randomize
