It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
