some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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