That's when you crack a 10am beer
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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