You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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