Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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