Reggie can tackle my bush.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
