I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
