So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
