i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize
