Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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