So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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