Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
