Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
