The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Everything about him screamed your future.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
