u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My balls are so social today.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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