I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize