I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
