Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
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Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
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I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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