dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
