Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My legs feel like baby dolphins
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
