there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
