My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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