You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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