Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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